


do you think about that a lot?

by laurentsaint



Series: would you rather? [1]
Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-17
Updated: 2015-07-17
Packaged: 2018-04-09 17:23:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4357850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laurentsaint/pseuds/laurentsaint
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Swapped phones on the bus AU. Because I'm shameless Hartwin trash.</p><p>Chinese translation can be found <a href="http://finnfet.lofter.com/post/1d4662ec_8f453bd">here</a>, translated by AO3 user <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/users/Yoshiun/pseuds/Yoshiun">Yoshiun</a>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	do you think about that a lot?

Eggsy thought that if there was one word to describe him, it would be 'unfortunate'. 

Not just because he was on a bus, or because it was a Monday. Hell, the fact that the rain had messed up his hair beyond belief hadn't been all that bad. 

It was because, obviously, the seat next to him would be _only_ seat left on the whole goddamn bus when the most well-dressed, posh-looking bastard in all of Britain got on. 

Eggsy could practically feel the unified thought of ' _what the fuck?_ ' from every other passenger. He was so obviously minted that it almost hurt to look at him - him and his fancy expensive suit and his tie and his umbrella. 

Eggsy watched in bemusement as the man paid, told the bus driver to keep the change, and _literally bowed_ as he thanked him. 

The man turned, eyes scanning the bus until they landed on the seat next to Eggsy. He strode along the aisle of the bus with a sense of purpose, and for a second Eggsy wondered what kind of _purpose_ a man looking like that would have on any kind of public transportation. 

"Excuse me, would you mind terribly if I sat down here?" 

Eggsy turned his gaze up, meeting the man's eyes, barely able to believe this was happening. He wondered for a split second if he really was hallucinating, and if everyone on the bus right now was watching him move for a person who wasn't there. He moved anyway, and muttered a quick, "Go ahead, mate." 

"Thank you very much," he replied politely. He undid the two buttons on his fitted blazer, sat down, and did them back up. "It misshapes the waist line, if you just sit down," he explained, after noticing that Eggsy was watching. 

Feeling embarrassed at being caught, Eggsy turned his eyes down to the phone in his hands. "Well, we wouldn't want that," he said, as if he knew anything about wearing a suit. 

Needless to say, the next fifteen minutes were the most awkward of his life. Well. At least the most awkward of the week. He spent most of it with his eyes glued to his phone screen, even though it wasn't on, sneaking (incredibly inconspicuous) glances to the man sat next to him. 

It was probably a good thing that his eyes were actually on his phone, then, when the bus suddenly jolted without warning, or he would have been caught looking. His phone slipped out of his hands, and in the panic of it he vaguely registered the same thing happening to the man next to him. 

"Aw, sh-" 

In barely a second, the young woman seated in front of them had managed to snag the phones before they slid further. She twisted around and gave a polite smile, holding the two phones out.

"Thank you ever so much, madam."

"Cheers, love." 

Eggsy didn't even pretend to think that, when she blushed lightly, it was because of him. Everyone had probably already noticed that the man next to him was probably the fittest person on the bus. 

Not that the bus was generally a good place to meet people, anyway.

He stuffed his phone into his pocket and decided that he wouldn't sneak any more glances. 

If he broke his promise to himself at least three times... well, there was obviously no helping that. 

 

•••

 

Eggsy didn't even notice that anything was off until later in the day, halfway through his lunch break. He was in the break room next to his best friend, Roxy, who was happily nibbling on her Lunchables ("I'm not _childish,_ I am a sophisticated woman who just happens to enjoy tiny adorable sandwiches," she had told him once). His phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out absently, still focused on the crossword puzzle they were sharing. 

By "they", he meant it was Roxy's. He absolutely did not enjoy crossword puzzles. At all. 

"Oi, seven down," he said, "household." 

Casting his eyes down to his phone, he frowned. He had a text from his own number. On a phone that was definitely not his. 

_The password is 3367._

Oh, fuck a duck. 

Brows furrowed, Eggsy thought back through the day. When would he have- oh. Oh. The guy from the bus. 

He tapped in the password, watching as it unlocked, revealing a screensaver that... wasn't his. Which meant- 

"Rox?"

"Rox?" he repeated, almost nervously. 

She made a small 'hm?' sound to indicate she was listening. 

"You, uh, you know that picture of us at the duck pond?" 

"You mean the time you tried to feed those geese and got attacked? And then you ran away screaming?" 

"Yeah, thanks for describing that again." 

Eggsy had ended up with three bruises and a bite mark in the shape of a beak. Oh, and also a picture of himself running away from the demon geese while Roxy was laughing at him. 

"You brought it up," she shrugged. "What about it?" 

"When was the last time you set it as my background?"

"Hm..." She tilted her head slightly, tapping her lips with the end of her spoon. "Yesterday. When you had to cover Dan's shift, and abandoned me in the break room." She chuckled lightly. "Why, have you changed it again?" 

"Not exactly. I might've accidentally swapped phones with this guy on the bus this morning." 

"Was he fit?" 

"What- of all the things to ask about?"

"Don't even pretend you wouldn't have asked the same."

"Rox, he was wearing a suit," he ceded. "A _fitted_ suit." 

Her light chuckling turned into full-on laughter, and Eggsy elbowed her in the ribs. "So ask him on a date! I mean, if I were straight, I'd jump straight on that." 

Not able to hold back a laugh, he said, "yeah, but now he probably thinks I'm afraid of ducks."

"Eggsy, _you are._ Look at that! You're already getting to know each other." 

"He was at least forty, Rox. And he looked kinda well-off. Men like him don't go for blokes like me." 

"Oi!" He felt a sharp pain as his so-called best friend flicked his forehead. "None of that. You're adorable. And if he can't see that, he's either stupid or straight."

The phone buzzed again. 

_I assume your phone is as important to you as mine is to me. Would it be possible to arrange a time to swap back?_

"Jesus, you didn't tell me he was the Queen." 

"He's. uh, a 'gentleman'. Y'know, people don't have fitted suits for nothing."

She raised her perfectly sculpted eyebrows. "So you're telling me you pretty much found the perfect man, and he's texting you, and you haven't texted him back?" she asked slowly.

"I-"

"Text him back! Text him back right now!"

Rolling his eyes, Eggsy unlocked the phone once more. 

_sure. im free after 6 today_

The reply was almost immediate. 

_I'm afraid that will not be possible. However, I will be on the same bus tomorrow._

And then, a few seconds later:

_Forgive me for saying, but I find your background rather charming._

"Oh my god. He's flirting," Roxy chimed in from over his shoulder. 

"Nah, he ain't- he's- y'know- why are you watching?" he asked, when he couldn't think of anything else. 

"You're so in there. You're going to have a sugar daddy. This is- oh, it's twelve thirty-five! Shit!" 

Roxy took a badly aimed shot at the bin with her leftover Lunchables, and took off out of the break room. 

Eggsy made sure to text back before he did the same. 

_yeah, that wasnt my favourite day at the park._

He slid his - well, not his - phone into his pocket and followed Roxy out into actual hell, a.k.a. stacking shelves in the local Waitrose. 

 

•••

 

Of all the things Eggsy expected to happen today, spending the whole day texting the hot guy from the bus certainly wasn't one of them. He had been pretty much glued to his phone for three hours straight - even on shift, which earned him a few dirty looks. 

_so youre a tailor? ill be honest I was pretty much expecting that_

_Am I that transparent?_

_well. considering one of the first things you said to me was you explaining how a jacket works_

_oh and the fact that you dress like the queen_

_Interesting observation, though I'm sure there would be some concern raised if I began to dress like the queen._

_I dont know I think youd look pretty dapper in a dress_

_I'm glad you think so._

Before Eggsy could reply, his phone was pulled from his hands and stuffed into his pocket. Roxy launched into a fake work-related conversation, pausing to smile at their boss as he walked past. 

"I'm happy that you've found your future husband and everything," she said, once their boss was out of earshot, "but I swear to god if you get fired and leave me to work alone in this cesspool, I. Will. End. You." 

She truly was equally as terrifying as she was adorable. 

"Yes ma'am."

"So?" she prompted. 

Eggsy faked confusion.

"You know what I'm talking about. C'mon, you've been speaking to him for three hours, you must know something about him by now." 

" _Texting,_ Rox."

She folded her arms and looked at him expectantly. 

"He's called Harry. He's a tailor. He owns a shop, and he's got a dog called Mr. Pickles or something fuckin' stupid like that," he relented. "That's all I know."

Roxy's face almost twisted into a grimace, until she seemed to remember that she had to look happy for the customers. Eggsy hated stacking the shelves of the stupid shop enough - he couldn't even imagine the hell it must be to work in customer service like Roxy did. 

He supposed that she had the face for it. It was hard not to like her, honestly.

"And you haven't asked him out yet? You're never going to get married at this rate," she chastised, eyes scanning over the texts. 

There was a familiar 'happy jingle' that Eggsy knew all too well as the shop's PA system. It was followed by a dreary voice - probably someone who hated their job as much as he did - delivering a message. "Roxy to the tills please, I repeat, Roxy to the tills please." 

With a mild look of disgust, Roxy plopped his phone back into his hands. "Propose to him already." 

And she was gone. 

 

•••

 

The journey home wasn't as bleak as usual. Nothing was out of the ordinary, apart from Eggsy's new friend.

 _Friend._

He hardy knew the guy, really. Apart from a few random facts he had chosen to share. Oh, and that he was the fittest guy he'd seen all week. 

And that Eggsy really, really liked talking to him. 

Not like he liked talking to Roxy - he liked talking to Roxy because she was witty and they got on like a house on fire. They were comfortable around each other. 

Talking to Harry was similar, but different. He spoke in a deliberate manner, in a way that made Eggsy feel like he had to think quickly to keep up. 

Perhaps it was the anonymity, perhaps it was the sheer difference between them, but talking to Harry made him excited. 

 

•••

 

 _would u rather fight a duck the size of a horse or 100 horses the size of ducks_

The reply came almost instantaneously. Pretty impressive, considering it was one in the morning. 

_The horses._

_that was really fast. do you think about this a lot_

_It just make sense, doesn't it? Ducks are rather violent at their own size. I couldn't imagine the damage a duck the size of even a small horse could do._

_yeah but you're assuming the duck is actually just a really big duck instead of like a normal duck that was made bigger_

_I wasn't aware there was a difference._

_nah it's really simple. if u make a normal duck bigger, it still has the same atoms, just bigger. so it would be as strong as the regular duck_

_but if u made a horse smaller, it's still made of the same atoms so it's as strong as a horse except it's smaller and there's 100 of them_

_ur fucked mate_

_I stand corrected. The horses would probably fuck me up. Just one question though. Do you think about this a lot?_

A burst of laughter escaped Eggsy's lips as he read the text. 

_oh yeah. gotta be prepared_

_Indeed._

_I must retire now, but I'll see you tomorrow. Sleep well._

_see you tomorrow._

Eggsy wasn't sure how he was feeling about tomorrow. On one hand, he would see Harry again. He thought that he would probably be much more appreciative of the man's looks knowing his personality too. 

But on the other hand, Harry might take his phone and never speak to Eggsy again. 

No point in dwelling, his mum would've said. 

So he let his mind go blank and fell asleep with his phone in his hand. 

 

•••

 

On the bus the next day, Eggsy was once again more excited than nervous. Even more so as they drew closer to the stop Harry got on last time. 

Two stops away, his phone buzzed. As soon as he read, 'I'm terribly sorry', he knew he wouldn't be seeing Harry today. 

_I'm terribly sorry, but I won't make it to our meeting today. I'm quite far away with no foreseeable return within the next three days._

_where are you, fucking narnia?_

_I apologise if you're upset. I know the situation is not ideal._

_I'm not mad, just wondering where u could have gone that takes that long to get back_

_Russia._

_fuck off, really? are you on holiday?_

_Unfortunately not. It's for work._

Eggsy chuckled. 

_what, emergency tailor business?_

_Something like that._

_aw cmon youre gonna be vague?_

He didn't receive a text back, and he decided that he wouldn't bring up Harry's work again. 

 

•••

 

The work day passed relatively quickly, filled with boxes and boxes of tinned food that had to be stacked perfectly. 

He only texted Harry again after his shift had finished and he had said his goodbyes to Roxy. 

_so friday then?_

_Friday._

_so would you rather fight a shark or a lion?_

_Shark._

And just like that, the conversation was back to normal. 

 

•••

 

By the time Friday rolled around, Eggsy had learned so much more about Harry. Nothing about work, friends, or family. Just little stuff, like the colour of his eyes and what he liked for breakfast. 

Eggsy kind of preferred that. 

 

•••

 

Meeting Harry again was odd. From the moment Eggsy saw him, he recognised the suit, the glasses, the hairstyle. 

He was still probably the fittest man in Britain.

They made eye contact, and Eggsy's face split into a grin. 

"Hey," he called, as Harry was crossing the street. 

"Hello, Eggsy." 

Eggsy took a second to look over him. It was crazy to think he was even better looking up close. 

Harry politely cleared his throat, snapping Eggsy out of his thoughts. 

"Oh, the phones, yeah," he said, reaching into his pocket to pull out Harry's phone. "Here. No scratches or nothing," he said as he handed it over. 

Harry passed him his own. 

"I appreciate you looking after it," he said sincerely. "It is very important to me. I would like to repay you, if you are amenable. Do you drink coffee?" 

"What, like a date?" Eggsy blurted, and immediately covered his mouth. "Sorry! Sorry, I'm just nervous. I didn't mean that. You're more intimidating than I remember. By intimidating, I mean you're a lot fitter - than I remember. I mean, you were fit before, but then - then we spoke, and - yeah - I'm being quiet now. I can go-" 

"It can be a date if you want." 

Eggsy's eyes shot up to meet Harry's.

"Really?"

"I enjoyed talking to you too. A lot. I'd rather not stop now," he explained, gaze determined and focused. "So, coffee?" 

Spirits lifted, Eggsy flashed him an ear to ear grin and linked arms with him. "Coffee sounds great. Starbucks, though. None of that Costa shit." 

"Agreed. If you said anything else I probably would have had to send you back to the bus." 

"Glad you like me that much." 

"Of course." 

"... So, would you rather fight a shark with bear arms or a bear with shark arms?" 

"I don't think sharks have arms."

"Whatever."

**Author's Note:**

> So I was thinking Harry was probably on the bus at the beginning because he was on a mission and had to get away inconspicuously or something idk.
> 
> I'm on tumblr under the URL saintlaurent if you wanna come say hi c: 
> 
> Please leave a kudos/comment if you enjoyed! <3


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